Tear Down Your Walls

A common issue I see in couples these days is the fact that they are so focused on their dreams and ideas for their future independently, that they build up these walls in between them and their spouses. Having a dream is a wonderful thing. It is just how far are you willing to let it affect you and your marriage. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that if you want to go to church and your spouse is athiet that you stop. I am not saying if you want to sing or go into a field of study and your spouse questions it, don’t let them hold you back. What I am saying is, we all make life plans when we are independent, single, on our own, on where our life is going to go. When a partner comes into the picture that plan will have to adapt, because it is not a duo, it is not just you anymore. But are you going to be so stubborn on keeping the plan you made on schedule, that you will build a wall between you and your partner.

I have a friend who is so extremely successful, independent and driven. She has practically planned out how her life is going to go. She wants to go to this school to get her Bachelors, this to get her masters, she wants to become a CEO , all these things, which are wonderful dreams to have! But she also wants someone who is already successful. Who is just as smart and talented and has his life together. That is another dream. She has recently found an amazing gentleman who is loving, caring, and they work so well together. However, even though he has ambitions, his grades aren’t the best, he hasn’t finalized on a career path and a major and so on, and this is making her build a wall in between her and him because her dream was supposed to be this successful intelligent man.

The guy just got done with his first year of school after a mission and took some very hard classes. He jumped right in when he wasn’t ready. He has plans and wants to support and provide it is just going to take time. But the fact that he is not where she wanted him to be when they were to be married, she is building this wall. She is so incredibly happy with him, but because of her idea and dream she made of her life when she was single and he hadn’t walked into her life. She questions walking away.

My point is, is this particular dream worth breaking hearts or throwing away something great, because it is not what you planned or initially wanted? If your spouse is not what you expected or they aren’t as clean, smart, funny, or emotionally connected as you had wished for, are you going to let that get in the way, or are you going to step back, adapt reevaluate and learn to live and love the things about them that weren’t what you expected?

It is your choice, but my advice is to learn to love them.