Saturday, January 30, 2016
The Problem With Soul Mates
In this day and age, there are a lot of issues when it comes to the idea of marriage. People believe that divorce is inevitable, that young marriages will never last and that if you save yourself for marriage and don’t live with the person first, the marriage will be ultimately doomed. Why does society see marriage this way? It is almost like marriage has been devalued and chopped down to just a contract on paper that is for a short term pleasure, not an eternal covenant between two people who want to love and cherish each other for the rest of eternity.
So what is one of the reasons that divorce is becoming such a normal thing in society? Personally, I would say it is the problem with the Soul Mate Quest. At a young age children read and watch fairy tales with princes and princesses. Of finding the one person who is meant to be with them. The idea that fate and destiny will bring us to the one person that we are suppose to end up with, poisons the mind into believe that there is only one person, in this world, that will make us truly happy. Even though, it is a nice idea that there is a person perfect and already predestined for you, it just isn’t true.
At least in the LDS culture, we believe in finding our eternal companion. The point to emphasize on, is that it is our choice on who are companion is. Truthfully there are many people who are existing and living on this planet, that you can be happy with. That you could laugh hard with, love deeply, and grow together with, to become a truly blissful companionship. Even if you believe that there is someone out there who is one in a million, the worlds population is 7.2 billion people, meaning there are over 7,000 people out there that could be one in a million. My point being, that there is not just one good person out there for you to marry, there are many.
In saying this, there are people out there that are better for you than others. Although, I believe that two genuinely good people, with a foundation of god and his gospel, who share similar goals, can make a marriage work. They both have to be willing to work at it every day and fight through the mountains that will come, and they can succeed. However, there are individuals out there that a person can and will have a deeper connection with, feel more intimate or closer to and some people will just make us happier than others.
Now with all this said, I move into why the idea of soulmates is poisoning the minds of this world. If you believe that there is only one person out there that you are meant to be with, that marriage and being together will just fall into place, you are dooming yourself right then and there. I say this, because, if you marry someone, thinking they are your soul mate and a huge trial comes along, you two might start fighting every day. You might stop holding hands, kissing or laughing as much as you use to and you may think the flame has died. It is so easy to think to yourself, this person isn’t my soul mate, that it shouldn’t be this hard, and I picked the wrong person and my actual soulmate is out there somewhere and BOOM you just bought a first class flight straight towards divorce. When honestly, if you both just would have put in the effort and time your marriage, it could have been saved.
The idea of soulmates is like a little seed, in the back of our minds, that is just waiting to explode on us. Leaving us to make rash decisions that could ultimately take us straight down the path to unneeded pain, regret and depression. Marriage is suppose to be a magnificent beautiful thing. But we forget that it is the work that we put into it that give it the value, not some invisible force of fate. If we start realizing that it is purely our choice, actions and dedication that makes or breaks our marriage, instead of destiny and soul mates, a lot more of us could lead fuller lives with a person that will makes them happy.
To Clear the Air
I wanted to start with addressing the point the yes I am LDS (Latter Day Saint). So a lot of my posts will be based on or touched with ideas and Ideals from the gospel. To start I will simply address my standings on same sex marriages, just to clear the air from the very beginning.
This is a very sensitive subject for me in many ways. I grew up as a little child being taught that God loves every one of us. That he would have sacrificed himself, even if it was just for one person. He loves, he has mercy and he forgives. I learned to love our neighbors and our enemies. To judge the sin not the sinner. At the same time, the lord sees the heart of the people when we can only see the outward appearance. Meaning, we don’t truly know everything or everyone. Only god has the right to judge and give judgement on others because he see the heart and the big picture. So basically, I learned to live my life in a way where I loved everyone, and understood that even though I know the sin is wrong I have no right to condemn and judge the person who decided to partake in that sin.
I believe that marriage was a blessing made and given to a man and a woman. I believe that the temple is sacred and that we should rejoice in the sealing of families and that bonding process of a man and a woman in an eternal marriage. Everything within the church, where we base the standards on the scriptures and church doctrine, should have the fundamental foundation that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. So within the church, within the religious boundaries we have, I believe that we should defend and protect the value of the sacred unity of a marriage between a husband and a wife and also protect the religious rights that we all possess.
With that said, everything outside of the church and the religious boundaries, I feel very strongly, that I don’t have a right to force people to act in the same standards that I believe or tell them how to live their lives. We were each born with the blessing of free agency to choose how we live our life. There are things in this world that are so far beyond my comprehension which makes it so I have no higher ground to try to dictate how a person decides to live or to love. The church message in the reading on The Divine Institution on Marriage said, “As Church members strive to protect marriage between a man and a woman, they should show respect, civility, and kindness toward others who have different points of view.” I will take this as we need to stand firm and protect our religious rights and standards in the church, but also show respect for those outside of the church that believe and act differently. It is not our place.
So within the walls of the church and surrounding the gospel. Yes we should fight to make sure that we maintain the religious rights to practice and teach and continue to live by the standards of church doctrine. But outside of the religion, I don’t see how we have any right to try to force someone and take away their agency to choose how they want to live their life. As long as they respect our beliefs, temples and churches, what they chose to do with their life is between them and God NOT me.
So if you are among the population that are married or in a same sex relationship please understand that I one, will base a lot of posts centered in the gospel, but two, also I have no problem with you or who you are and your partner of choice. I hope that there might be some posts that might benefit or intrigue you.
Thank you all.
This is a very sensitive subject for me in many ways. I grew up as a little child being taught that God loves every one of us. That he would have sacrificed himself, even if it was just for one person. He loves, he has mercy and he forgives. I learned to love our neighbors and our enemies. To judge the sin not the sinner. At the same time, the lord sees the heart of the people when we can only see the outward appearance. Meaning, we don’t truly know everything or everyone. Only god has the right to judge and give judgement on others because he see the heart and the big picture. So basically, I learned to live my life in a way where I loved everyone, and understood that even though I know the sin is wrong I have no right to condemn and judge the person who decided to partake in that sin.
I believe that marriage was a blessing made and given to a man and a woman. I believe that the temple is sacred and that we should rejoice in the sealing of families and that bonding process of a man and a woman in an eternal marriage. Everything within the church, where we base the standards on the scriptures and church doctrine, should have the fundamental foundation that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. So within the church, within the religious boundaries we have, I believe that we should defend and protect the value of the sacred unity of a marriage between a husband and a wife and also protect the religious rights that we all possess.
With that said, everything outside of the church and the religious boundaries, I feel very strongly, that I don’t have a right to force people to act in the same standards that I believe or tell them how to live their lives. We were each born with the blessing of free agency to choose how we live our life. There are things in this world that are so far beyond my comprehension which makes it so I have no higher ground to try to dictate how a person decides to live or to love. The church message in the reading on The Divine Institution on Marriage said, “As Church members strive to protect marriage between a man and a woman, they should show respect, civility, and kindness toward others who have different points of view.” I will take this as we need to stand firm and protect our religious rights and standards in the church, but also show respect for those outside of the church that believe and act differently. It is not our place.
So within the walls of the church and surrounding the gospel. Yes we should fight to make sure that we maintain the religious rights to practice and teach and continue to live by the standards of church doctrine. But outside of the religion, I don’t see how we have any right to try to force someone and take away their agency to choose how they want to live their life. As long as they respect our beliefs, temples and churches, what they chose to do with their life is between them and God NOT me.
So if you are among the population that are married or in a same sex relationship please understand that I one, will base a lot of posts centered in the gospel, but two, also I have no problem with you or who you are and your partner of choice. I hope that there might be some posts that might benefit or intrigue you.
Thank you all.
To Begin
Well Hello, to anyone who reads this blog. To better explain the purpose and the title of this blog, let me explain a little about who I am. I am a college sophomore, as of now, and I am majoring in Psychology and minoring in marriage and family studies at Brigham Young University of Idaho. Currently I am enrolled in a marriage course at BYU-I. For this class I am to make a blog, as you see now.
As you can guess by the name of this blog, I am not married. So if I seem like I don't fully understand, I don't. My blogs are based on what I learn through textbooks, books, and what I have seen through marriages of friends and family. I do a lot of observing of people's actions and what they say and what they do. So even though I might not fully understand the emotions and issues involved, since I am not married, but I have seen and learned a lot by the actions of others.
The point of this blog is to help give information to those who are looking for, about marriage and common issues and subjects that have to do with marriage. I hope that you enjoy what you read, and you are more than welcome to comment and engage in discussions about the topics. In saying this, I do have a few rules. When commenting please be respectful of others. Keep vulgar language to yourself. Please know that if there are any posts that are vulgar, rude, and not pertaining to the purpose of this blog your comments will be removed. I am more than excited and interested in hearing different views and opinions, but I will not let these comments and discussions become a home for a hostile environment. Thank you!
As you can guess by the name of this blog, I am not married. So if I seem like I don't fully understand, I don't. My blogs are based on what I learn through textbooks, books, and what I have seen through marriages of friends and family. I do a lot of observing of people's actions and what they say and what they do. So even though I might not fully understand the emotions and issues involved, since I am not married, but I have seen and learned a lot by the actions of others.
The point of this blog is to help give information to those who are looking for, about marriage and common issues and subjects that have to do with marriage. I hope that you enjoy what you read, and you are more than welcome to comment and engage in discussions about the topics. In saying this, I do have a few rules. When commenting please be respectful of others. Keep vulgar language to yourself. Please know that if there are any posts that are vulgar, rude, and not pertaining to the purpose of this blog your comments will be removed. I am more than excited and interested in hearing different views and opinions, but I will not let these comments and discussions become a home for a hostile environment. Thank you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)