Make a Love Map

A key to a happy marriage is to know your partner. This might sound simple and a bit over said. But it is crazy to think, how many marriages have issues with just having knowledge of their spouse. I don’t mean favorite food, or tv show, but goals, aspirations, and deep memories of childhood. To have a deeper understanding of your partner not only will help your marriage, but it will also give it the foundation it needs to help travel through the storms that may come.


The art to understanding your partner is, in John M. Gottman’s words, creating a “love Map”. It is the part of your brain that “Stores all the relevant information” on your partner. This is important to understand and help guide through everyday activities. As well, just like actual maps, it needs to be upkept and updated. As you continue to grow, both of you will start to change. Problems can arise when you are using old information to deal with new issues. And through knowledge there is strength.


For me, I want a marriage where I am always connected to my spouse even if our schedules are hectic. I don’t want to lose the intimacy or deeper connection that we have because life has made a gap in our time together. By staying connected, and understanding your partner, that is what will make the difference. Your husband or wife had a hard day, leave a nice note, or their favorite treat (Do you know their favorite treat? If no, then find out). Have a date night every week, even if it is just going for a walk in the morning or having a short lunch in between busy schedules.


I have already state that marriage is not a fairy tale. If your marriage feels like that, enjoy it while it lasts, because it won’t always feel like that. You and your spouse need to put in the work and effort into your marriage everyday to stay happy. Building a love map, is one way to make it a bit easier. So please, if you don’t have a love map, start asking each other questions. Get to know your spouse all over again.


And as always, I wish you the best!